Monday, June 18, 2012

Matthias

   I woke up in the morning and noticed some pink on my underwear so I called the midwife, Leslie. She said I had lost my mucus plug and that this baby would probably be born within 24 hours.
   I called my Mom and she started the long drive to Bellingham.
   It was a weekend and a beautiful sunny day in May so Nathan and I took Ethan to a park and I thought I should walk as this baby was at least two weeks late, I had tried rototilling the whole garden with a shovel, mowing the lawn and walking and walking and walking so I figured if I was going to go into labor soon the fastest way to get that to happen was to walk some more right?
   I had an enjoyable time at the park I remember the small white daisies all over the green hills and the nice warm sun which felt so good after a long rainy winter.
   I remember thinking how small Ethan was and I wondered how I would look after two babies as Ethan was only 21 months old.
   My labors were all very, very influenced by my concerns, desires and visualization of labor and birth.
This time I simply did not feel prepared at all even though I had everything under the sun that I needed for the birth I was not prepared and felt like Ethan was still to young to understand.
   A baby can only stay in utero for so long even if Mother is willing to carry it for another nine months.
   My Mom and youngest sister Emily arrived in town in the afternoon/evening. I started to get that tight belt feeling and knew what was coming. Nathan and my Mom started getting the water tub filled up- a big "rubbermaid" trough, the style used to water livestock. Someone called Leslie, they knew better than to ask me though maybe they did and I don't remember. She got there and told me I could get in the tub. Getting in the tub equalled committing to having this baby tonight I had to think about it for a few seconds and realized this baby was coming tonight either way so I may as well get in.
   Emily was looking after Ethan, I think they went for a little walk and played in the car. Ethan didn't want to come in the room, he would stand at the doorway and play in the living room but he didn't want to come in.
  The water was heavenly, I liked the tall strong sides of the pool, no one uses those pools anymore because of the plastic used to make them but they are far superior to the squishy inflatable ones in use now, handles or not I loved that water trough.
   I got in and it felt so nice I stayed in one position for about three hours in strong labor. I remember the dark room and every time a contraction came I would say, "no, no, no, no" over and over or, "I can't" over and over. It was so much more about life after the birth that I was concerned about, I didn't feel prepared at all and totally overwhelmed at the thought of a baby and a very young toddler.
   Leslie tried to get me to move around, to get out to go pee. My mom tried to get me to drink or to eat and Leslie kept getting my Mom to boil large pots of water to dump into the tub to keep it at a certain temperature I hated those pots of water and told myself if I ever got pregnant again I would give all my pots to the thrift store before going into labor.
   I felt very much alone even though Nathan said afterwards that someone was always in the room with me. I really liked the space the water tub gave me I definitely am a lone laborer and don't want anyone in the water or massaging me or touching me or talking to me or dumping boiling water in at me.
   I remember them talking in the other room, someone was worried I wasn't "progressing" Leslie wasn't concerned about it as the babies heart rate was good but she did say she would try to get me to get out and move around a bit. I guess because the baby was late and I was in there basically complaining the whole time they were worried the baby was too big or something. That is the only snippet of conversation I remember from the whole labor but at that point I decided that there was no way I was going to get dragged to the hospital and there was even more no way they were getting me out of this water tub so I decided then that this was the time to have this baby.  I told myself I had to stop complaining and mentally embrace those contractions to relax my mind as well as my body.
  I moved around a bit and I felt the baby roll or twist inside me. Minutes later I was leaning forward on the side of the tub pushing and the baby was born.
  Another five hour labor from start of contractions to holding a very large fat squished baby in my arms
Matthias was 8 lb 11oz
He was huge
He had lots of dark hair on the top of his head
He was so cute and perfect.
He was a hungry nurser

The placenta fell out when I stood to get out of the tub. Ethan came in very slowly and shy once Nathan and I and the new baby were all cozy in bed. He was very gentle and loving to the baby and we were all very amazed by this new little person that had joined our family.

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