Benjamin

   My hardest birth by far. I woke up in the morning and realized I had lost my mucus plug and there was some bleeding which I was concerned about as I had never bled previously before having the baby. Nathan was away on an all day motorcycle adventure so I was home on a Saturday with the two boys thinking I may be going into labor. I called my midwife Briana, she said to call her if there was any more bleeding and that I would probably have the baby soon. She kept telling me she thought I would go into labor and have this baby fast when it did start -that sounded good to me.
   I went for a walk in the cool crisp winter air and waited for the belt tightening sensations to start but they never did. I took it easy that day knowing my body would be working hard very soon. I was hoping I would not go into labor that day as Nathan would not get home until late and my Mom was not coming to this birth as my Sister's first baby was due at the same time.
   My little Sister heard my predicament and got in her car, got in a plane and flew down to Utah. Emily, my hero. She arrived the following morning.
   With Nathan back and Emily in town I figured my labor would start up quick but it didn't. Briana came over to check on me, I was still bleeding a bit, very pink and stringy, not deep red blood so she wasn't worried about that even though I was concerned about it.
  She said my stomach felt very hard and she couldn't believe I couldn't feel the contractions yet. So far I had felt nothing.
   Briana told me to call her whenever I wanted her to come, ah the beauty of midwives. She would have stayed then if I had wanted her to but since I didn't feel in labor at all I told her to go, I figured it could be hours or days as I felt just fine.
   I asked Nathan to set up the pool downstairs where there was a big "family room" and fireplace I thought that would be cozy. Looking back I should have put the pool in my bedroom but I was having a hard time deciding between my cozy bedroom and the fireplace. Turns out the fire wasn't that cozy while in labor.
   I sat down to play a game of Parcheesi with Emily, Ethan and Matthias, as the game finished up my contractions started coming, very quickly getting stronger, it was all I could do to finish the game and I headed to my room to try to get my head wrapped around these very strong contractions that came with a force out of nowhere...well I knew they were going to come but not so strong all at once.
   Nathan was filling up the pool and getting things set up downstairs, Emily was hanging out with the two boys. I was kneeling by my bed and rocking forward and back trying to embrace this awful and amazing unrelenting power.
   Nathan asked if he should call Briana, my "Yes" meant, most definitely, immediately and yesterday.
   I remember just wanting someone beside me, I didn't want to be alone but was alone as Nathan was busy rushing to fill up the tub and Emily was babysitting.
   Nathan came in for a few minutes to hold my hand and I kept telling him to stay but he had to go check on the water so he sent Emily in. I will forever blame myself if she never wants to have children but she was great and sat by me and it was nice to have someone in the room. My mom called at one point and wanted to talk to me but I think it was upsetting to her to hear me struggling and not be able to be there for me. Briana had left about an hour previously and she came back quickly once Nathan called her. She arrived, came in and helped me deal with the contractions a bit better. My contractions with this labor were entirely different from any others, very, very strong with wave upon wave of contraction with no break in the middle, one immediately flowing in on top of the next.
   Briana asked me if I wanted to have this baby here in the bedroom or in the tub. At that point I wanted both but the tub was set up down stairs so down I went. The tub was not very full yet but I got in anyways. Briana's assistant Cathy arrived soon after that. Nathan had a fire going, the boys came down to see me now and again, they were upstairs watching a movie and playing with Emily, their comment was, "Mommy's more entertaining than a movie". I didn't really want them in the room as my labor felt so out of control, I was glad when Nathan herded them back upstairs.
   My back was really hurting and I kept asking why my contractions never ended, why didn't I ever get a break Briana and Cathy reminded me to breathe and reminded me that they would end...eventually. Cathy was putting counter pressure on my back which I was not sure I liked at first but decided it did feel a bit better. Briana got all her equipment out, ready and organized. I remember telling Nathan the toilet was running upstairs and thinking it was weird that I was so with it to realize that. My normal out of it labor brain never kicked in, I was very present the whole time. I remember asking Nathan to warm up the room with more wood in the fire and wondering what the boys where doing. My labor felt very primal alert and powerful, most definitely not peaceful.
    Soon it was time to push and I did get a bit of a break between contractions at this point. I think I had had one one minute break the entire labor. Briana checked for the cord after the baby's head was out and it was around his neck, she told me not to push and she got one loop off and he was born through the second loop of cord. Nathan caught him as he had the previous two babies.
  Benjamin was born two hours from start to finish, my fastest and hardest labor.
 I had read a lot this pregnancy about embracing labor and being open and relaxed and allowing each contraction to cause progression and dilation. I think I went a bit overboard with this idea as in - too much of a good thing. Moderation Self, Moderation.

  Benjamin weighed 8lb 8oz
  Born one day before his due date
  Warm
  Cute
  and Happy
           
After he was born I stood to get the placenta out, finally someone told me to push it out. The second best labor advice ever (the first being to not listen to the old devil woman when she screams in your head to push the baby out with all your might) so much easier to push it out then fight the feeling of it falling out.
   I was ready to get out of the tub. Briana asked me if I wanted her to hold the baby while I got out, I would normally have said, " I'm holding my new baby thank you very much" but I found myself handing him over which was weird but I felt like I should. Nathan was helping me get out of the tub when I started to get very very shaky, they sat me on the couch and I am very glad I had handed over the baby because there is no way I would have been able to hold him I was shaking so violently. They covered me up with towels and checked if I was bleeding, a bit but not too much. They wanted me to eat or drink so I asked Emily to make some lemonade which she did and it was just what I needed.
   I felt like I was shaking for hours but it was probably only five to ten minutes.
  Briana handed the baby back and he had a good nurse and fell asleep. Emily, Ethan and Matthias came down to see the baby. He didn't have a name yet as we had one picked out but Nathan and I didn't think he looked liked that name.
   Briana did his newborn exam while I sat and rested a bit more, drank a bit more and I think I ate something but I don't remember what.
  I slowly got helped back up the stairs and into bed. Cozy and warm with my new little baby.