Saturday, January 1, 2011

The Big Toe

   Here it is 2011. And here is a very, very typical resolution, I know it is, because for the last two weeks the display at Costco consists of (in order) the front door, vitamins, exercise equipment, protein shakes, runners, socks and stretchy pants and then of course loads and loads of food in huge quantities including very high fat all you can eat samples.
    In my defense and to clarify that I am not falling into the all american model I wrote this post before Christmas and before I saw the Costco line up although if procrastination isn't all american as well I don't know what is. So when my Green Card expires I won't even have to write a citizenship test I'll just show them this post and they will see Costco shopper + procrastinator = American...stamp the card or whatever they do.  
   I have been trying to think of a way to involve my circumference of thought in my new improved soon to be exercise program which is less of a program and more of a desperate attempt to lose some fat.
   So as I was lying in bed last night for hours, mind you that is a different story...OK I'll tell you because it is probably more entertaining than fat. My son came down with a fever yesterday in the middle of Office Max as I was trying to buy printer ink, which I succeeded in doing by the way. Our printer is a story in itself too but I'm pretty sure a fever and fat are more exciting than printers though probably not as frustrating!
   So Fever son being who he is doesn't know if he needs to cough or puke or have a headache, luckily he decides to go the fever/headache route so I was up with him getting him a cool cloth for his head every half hour from 11pm-3am which is when the second son started having coughing fits every hour or so till 5 am and there is a reason we call him the "barrel chested" because when he coughs it jolts me awake like there is an explosion in his room. Of course when 8 o'clock rolled around they thankfully miraculously feel all better and are ready for breakfast and I am very thankful that they are better but it has been very hard to show it.
   Back to contemplating my fat while lying awake in bed, I thought this would be a boring enough subject to put me right back to sleep as sheep are out of the question as I have recently taken up knitting and thinking of sheep makes me think of wool which turns into a downward spiral of of awakeness and excitement thinking that if I am just lying in bed why don't I get up and knit some more so you can see how exciting exercising is to me, as compared to knitting, it is boring.
   So I started thinking of why and where people get the motivation for such things as running on treadmills and climbing up multiple flights of stairs.
   Unfortunately all the fun ways to exercise are too expensive so I am reduced to the level of hamster which, by the way, no matter how much they run on those wheels they always look fat. I may have to rethink my strategy.
   Enough "by the ways" here is the plan. I will be taking along an Exercise Buddy. The auditions are closed, they happened Tuesday Night and The Right Foot wins. So without further ado I will be going to the gym accompanied by my big toe. My right one to be precise as my left one kept tripping me up on the stair-stepper on Tuesday after only 30 flights. My right Big Toe is very excited about this opportunity to gain fame as I post a short, sweet and odor-free recap and a photo of the improvements this program is sure to produce: naked, unphotoshopped and waxed here comes The Big Toe. And wait before you erase this amazing link from your bookmarks it's my big toe, not me, just my toe, just thought I should clarify.

2 comments:

  1. Well you've assimilated really well here in America-land. It didn't take me long up in Canada...as soon as I could spell the name of the country I was as good as Canadian! "C" eh? "N" eh? "D" eh?

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  2. Makes me wonder will the toe have a ring, be painted, will I notice if it succumbs to Costco pizza before dinner. Maybe you'll knit it an exercise suit but whatever I will look forward to seeing how your Tues nights fare.

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